I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
