Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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