im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
