I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Couch. On fire.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
