Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
