My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
