Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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