So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
His nipple licking is glorious
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