you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
50% drunk capacity currently
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Randomize
