Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
