If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
