either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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