He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
