I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
