She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
