The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Still dying that you shit outside
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
