Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
