this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
So many bounce houses so little time
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize