sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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