I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
