The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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