she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
