I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We have started to decorate penises.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
