i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
