You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
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