we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
