and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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