I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
the day after is always just damage control
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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