My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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