btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
