There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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