if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
