matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
