I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
