His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
did i just pee glitter
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
