Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
