Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
