god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
