Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Randomize
