The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize