I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
