Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
