you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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