Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
