I think I died a long time ago.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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