i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
