I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
