So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
