stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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