Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
