I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
