I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
