I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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