I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
