nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
