Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
