dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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