A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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