Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize