Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
