worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
