He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
