Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
