your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
