i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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