I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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