i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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