I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
