If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
